i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
