Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
