The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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