What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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