so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
