He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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