he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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