went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
