So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
