Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
