God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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