At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
