OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
