The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
