would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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