Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
