I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
