your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
