its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
