And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
