the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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