FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
