I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
