He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
