i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
