dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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