first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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