you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
