for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
