So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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