After last night, I could never be a politician.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
