i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
