Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
