I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize