he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
