i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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