My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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