i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
