we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
