Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
