Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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