Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
