Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
