Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
