Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
