Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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