I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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