I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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