so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
