He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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