I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
