I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
