ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
