Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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