just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
