fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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