I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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