You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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