I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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