It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.