This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
