I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
