I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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