You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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