hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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