Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
