Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
