i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
