I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
