I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
