im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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