I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
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And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize