cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
