He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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